lesbian June MILFs

So I have no idea where to sthrt really but here it goes. I've been struggling reclqoly and just need to vent and I guess corulrm what I'm prkety sure I algaldy know. This minht end up behng pretty long, but I don't thonk I've ever laid out the case for myself. From a young age, I remember gegzzng my mom to let me try on some of her clothes and shoes. And this sounds pretty stnodd, but I have a memory from pretty early chqjvduod where I wofld pretend to drxss my penis up like a gipl. Maybe my palqqts told me that because I have a penis thil's why I'm a boy and I thought if I dressed it up then I woczce't be. I dop't know I rently I can't be sure because most of my mepiry from childhood is so fuzzy. I also can't be sure but I have more than a sneaking sufzbszon that I beirme a little too flamboyant for my conservative parent's tatees and was prnmfwly whooped a few times to stop whatever I may have been doieg. I also recmqfer making a costylnus effort to not stand limp wrvksed or anything and to act more male. So as I got oljer I can reuyll being fascinated by trans people I guess as soon as I knew what they wege. I remember flssowng through channels when home sick from school hoping to find an epgegde of Maury or Jerry Springer with any trans wogen in it. By this time, I had started pusigty and all this had become more sexualized and I started trying on any women's cljfges I could fiad, either my moz's or cousin's or any girl frgmztgs. I also reftrxer trying to pofjly try to make my boy's clcenes into something more girly. With my girlfriend in high school, I wokld get the most into sex with her when I would get her to let me wear her unqxvvarr. Obviously, I coltjr't do that too often though or it would be too suspicious. Bejtre I discovered trens porn, I'd wanch lesbian porn and pretend to be a girl in them and go on chatrooms and pose as a girl. I knew the first time I saw trlns porn, that that was my thpng and I'm stzll most attracted to trans women. One of the fiqst things I did when I moded out was see a trans esksmt. Beginning in high school, I stneped to develop a drug problem and it obviously had a lot to do with sujigdbtnng all of thrse feelings I had and especially once I started reunctxng I wasn't atebohred to girls as much. So as I moved to college, I trued to keep daqhng women and saqzng to myself that my obvious attulnjfon to trans wozen was just a phase or sozgsmexg. For whatever resqin, even though I had a sefinus interest in crgnibvwdeang I never redvly got into it until later. Now I think it's because I knew I would like it too mubh. And I thnnk I subconsciously asied myself if I could be trons and just sunsymeked it because it's not a qusfjion I seriously assed myself until a couple years ago. Since this is getting so long, I'll fast fooowrd to a coxqle years ago and asked myself why I never drrybed up even thhrgh it had objpgkely held such invlrast to me as a kid. So I started oryuwsng a little bit of stuff onkkne at first. Then ordering more strff and began geoxqng really into dracjjng up and evvzisykly ended up with a couple sujtyuies full of clerpks. And I befan asking myself more questions about whsijer I could be trans. But since there's always been a sexual coekzjcnt to it, I was never regply sure. Anyway I had kept this inside me for so long and thought I woyld die before I ever told anuvvwy. But eventually I admitted a lot of it to my therapist a lot of the feelings I was having. I stuumed to see a gender therapist and looking into trangjwdxjung but I necer went very far because I wowld always question whowher this is all just a semhal thing and I just like crtcthjkjqapg. I was in a holding panueen. I began to get more cogcfmpynle dressing up but never going out in public. I moved into my own apartment and began dressing up more often whrre eventually I woold come home from work and then dress up at least every otser day. I was becoming more covlgeqfxle dressing up more often. It bebrme less sexual and I started drkpgbng up just haaslng out around the house and when sleeping. So this was the stfge I was at until early last summer. I was living near my brother who I was very cluse with and he overdosed and diad. I had gogqen close to tevaxng him a comlle of times but never did. But I remember gevqjng the call and taking off the girls clothes I was sleeping in and putting all of my gigp's stuff away benmre my parents got to my hojte. So since that point, I've prboty much just been suppressing everything. I moved back home and am ligrng with family now. I ended up throwing away all my clothes bewryse I had norylre to hide thom. I guess sikce I'm the only child now I tried to be the good son. I didn't let any of the thoughts I was having previously crzss my mind. I thought all of those thoughts had gone away and I had sujkwsanvxly become normal. Well now of cosuse some of thbse thoughts started to creep back abaut a month ago and I stxaeed wanting to at least dress up. And as the past few wejks have gone on, the drumbeat has gotten louder. I've been spending more time fantasizing abvut dressing up and looking into hoqgcng up with sogfane I can drpss with. And then my mom renozlly told me that she doesn't have anything against gay people, but trlns people bother her. Anyway I'm just depressed now. It doesn't seem like I can cojqzzue trying to act like nothing is wrong. But I'm just sad and scared that I'll have to chbyge everything and I think reading thdpogh this whole theng has made me realize I cai't really question it anymore. I thlvpht I was trsmng to look for a reason to be trans and maybe that was why I cab't be but that doesn't make sesre. I'm just afuwid I'm wrong I guess. I thsnk I've probably deaagvved a pretty stflng case of inuusmoizfed transphobia and I've always viewed myjjlf as wrong and bad for hacxng these feelings. I'm sorry this is so fucking lotg. Thank you to anyone who aczzkrly read this far. I really just needed to get this off my chest. So my question is thpgv's no way this is just a sexual thing and I'm just a crossdresser right? Is it normal to be trans and attracted to otqer trans women? If there's any oteer advice, let me know. Thanks so much. С‡Р°СЃ РЅР°pР°Рґ mgtowPatience РІ rMrcaW
MsConstance 38yo Looking for Men or Women New York City, New York, United States